Ah, the tin foil hat. Many look fondly upon this symbol of the enlightened, the great protector of our free will, thoughts, and sometimes even precious bodily fluids. But alas, you may not be as protected as you think!
You see, in these times, the term "tin foil" is in fact, a misnomer. If I were to ask you to get me some tin foil, you would likely find that familiar elongated box with the shiny tube inside. You would then bring it to me smugly, wondering why I thought someone would ever struggle with such a simple, menial task. Then I would take that box and smack you upside the head with it, because the label would clearly say "Aluminum Foil"
You see, back in the 1940's, we started moving away from putting tin in those little boxes, obviously because that's what the lizard people wanted. Being cheaper, more durable, and not making your food smell like tin were just media lies. What's the difference, you may wonder? I'm so happy you asked that question, and the answer may surprise you.
Crystals.
You see, tin is a crystalline metal. It is actually made up of tiny crystals (no, really). As you all likely know, crystals have many magical properties, such as healing powers, enabling time travel, and the creation of weaponized satellite lasers.
This is the force that keeps the mind-reading reptilians at bay. You're probably reading this thinking that I'm insane, and your aluminum hat has been working just fine. Is that you thinking that, or is it them making you think that? I think we all know the answer. Or we would, if we were wearing hats made from actual tin.
Of course, there are those of you who like their hats simply for the chick-magnet appeal. I hate to break it to you gentlemen, but aluminum is non-ferrous.
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